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The Sinners Corner: The value of a wingman |
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Written by Christine Stanley/Tahoe World
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Monday, 02 April 2007 |
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Hooking up on the fly — the value of a wingman
What happened to all of you this week? Was it Spring Break in Cancun and I missed it? I didn’t get any reader e-mails, so the pick-up line column had to be thrown out for lack of fodder. Now it’s the 11th hour and I have to come up with something else. Not appreciated. However, I did get this awesome story from Nadine in Truckee:
“My friend and I are at the gym around the holidays and this fella of unknown ethnicity starts talking to my friend. He compliments her, and also mentions that she has beautiful legs. Then he asks if he can name them. He names her left one Christmas and her right one New Years. He then proceeds to ask if he can see what's between the holidays. Needless to say, his pick up line did not work, and we laughed him back into the weight room.”
Thanks for that Nadine.
All right kids, grab your scissors (no running) cause you’re going to want to cut this out and put it on the fridge. It’s...
The Sinner's Guide to Wingmanship
 Even the most sophisticated lady killer/man eater can wind up stalking the wrong prey, so when you're on the prowl it helps to have a skilled assistant to help you duck and run like hell. On the same token, when you’ve weeded through the sick and weak and have finally identified the kill, a wingman can be essential to closing the deal.
A good wingman's generosity knows no bounds and he or she will do whatever is necessary to make sure the point man (that’s you) hits the target.
Remember Wedding Crashers: “Rule no. 76 — No excuses, play like a champion.”
Selecting the right wingman should not be rushed, otherwise you’ll never end up on top. So be sure to follow these steps when recruiting the most important friend you’ll ever have.
The wingman must understand the mission.
If you approach two attractive subjects, a good wingman will let you have first dibs, and will work to keep the other one occupied. Even if the wingman is uninterested in the leftovers, he or she will pretend to be interested until you close the deal. This also means that the wingman will not complain about entertaining the ugly friend.
The wingman keeps you presentable.
Boogers? Unzipped fly? Sushi in your teeth? No worries, a good wingman will inform you of the flaw immediately and will also automatically offer you a mint or stick of gum. An excellent wingman will not shy away from warning you of body odor or pit stains either.
 The wingman speaks your language.
This is especially important because the wingman not only needs to understand your needs in fewer than three words, but also needs to know your body language and eyebrow talk. That way, when the wingman is standing at the other end of the bar and you shoot the “save me from this crazy/ugly person right now or I will kill you in your sleep” look, the response will be immediate.
The wingman will go kamikaze.
A good wingman has no fear and will assault a table of hotties without hesitation. There will be no fear of being shot down — rather, the wingman will fire the first bullets and ready the field for your timely approach.
The wingman boasts about his point man.
“This is my friend Vanessa. She’s great in bed.” Comments need not always be so direct, but a good wingman will know whether to be blunt or covert. And as I remember it, Vanessa got laid that night.
The wingman will go under cover.
A good wingman knows how to run a stealthy recon mission and will be able to provide you with such information as general interests, whether there is a significant-other in the picture, any bisexual tendencies, and possibly any psychosis.
A good wingman is worth more than gold (or oil).
Never ever ever should the point man disrespect the wingman. The wingman is a friend for life, closer than blood, someone you would lie down your Grey Goose for. Treat the wingman well and you will prosper forever. “You’re my boy, Blue!”
That’s all for this week. Spread the word and send new column ideas to
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XO,
Christine
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Last Updated ( Monday, 02 April 2007 )
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