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The Sinners Corner: Shacking up |
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Written by Christine Stanley/Tahoe World
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Monday, 19 March 2007 |
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Isn’t it funny how every couple in Tahoe moves in together after a month and gets a dog?
[Editor's note: names have been changed to protect the embarrassed.]
 Adam and JoJo* moved in together! (Or maybe the first exclamation should have been: Adam moved out of his mom’s house!)
I couldn’t be more excited for the happy couple. Now JoJo and her roommate don’t have to fork out as much on rent, and Adam doesn’t have to wait for his parents to go to work to get laid.
However, cohabitation can also bite you in the ass. I do not know this from experience, because I have never lived with a significant other — in fact, the thought of sharing my toilet with a big pube-shedding, log-dropping man gives me the gags. But, some of my friends have taken the shared apartment-plunge, and they say it’s not always what it’s cracked up to be.
Let’s weigh the pros and cons:
• PRO — Cash: Renting two places when you are always shacking up at one just doesn't make sense. Two gallons of milk? Two electric bills? Two sets of toothbrushes? Lame! Just think how much more cash you could have to shop with if you started living in sin.
• CON — Chores: If you don’t want to clean your own bathroom, your own dishes, or your own floors, you don’t have to. But you definitely have to scrub the skid-marks out of a toilet you share with your girlfriend. Similar responsibilities might include purchasing Tampax, Monistat or make-up. Consider this carefully, because this also means that you will sometimes have to leave her in charge of choosing the correct barbecue sauce, hardware and meat.
• PRO — Mic Check: Testing, testing, 1, 2, 1, 2. If you’re thinking about getting hitched, it might be nice to know if cohabitation is even possible for the two of you. The trick here will be to move into a place that’s larger than a bread-box. Even if you are destined to live happily-ever-after, if you live together with a dog in a 300-square-foot granny-flat in the Ghetto in the Meadow, the odds will be against you.
• CON — Rules: Did you puke in the refrigerator last night after a few too many green beers at the Dub? No worries. Most of the food was rotten anyway, and this just give you incentive to clean it out, right? Wrong! I can’t believe you’re so irresponsible and disgusting! You were drinking with McGovern again?! Cant you get any decent friends?! Look what you did to the fridge! And now I have to buy all new produce for the salad I was going to make for — oh my God! Get dressed you ass! We have to be at my parent’s house for brunch in an hour! God damn you!
 • PRO — Make-up sex: No explanation needed.
• CON — Parents: Even if you’re not religious, it’s pretty safe to say that your girlfriend’s daddy doesn’t want her living in sin. Or, as in my case, your mother will be horrified by the country club’s response to your being a slut. It doesn’t matter that you are renting a house with four other people and separate rooms; the folks know you’re banging.
• PRO — It’s the little things: It’s nice to have someone wash your back in the shower, or to stay up with you at night when you’re sick from eating at the diner. And you never know, you might like watching her paint her toenails, or listening to him talk mushy to the dog when you’re not in the room.
• CON — Stuff: He’s got a couch and you don’t, great, move it in. But then you are also going to have to deal with his collection of smut, his dank socks on the couch, whiskers on the bathroom counter, sink and floor, the surf board and nine wax bars that haven’t been used in six years, the 37 XBox games and the pet boa constrictor. And ladies, don’t think your stuff don’t stink. Crusty underpants, foofy lotions and turned-up high-heels stabbing him in the dark are no picnic either.
• CON — The Remote: Ladies, you will never get to watch Sex and the City again, and unless he’s in the dog house or you have managed to physically over-power him, you are going to spend your Tuesday nights watching ultimate cage fighting. You can also forget about American Idol, Friends, Will & Grace, and your entire collection of rom-coms.
• CON — Breaking up gets harder: Think that breaking up while living apart is hard? Try breaking up, getting kicked out and losing half your stuff in the process. Being the bigger person and giving your ex the blender, coffee pot, vacuum, telephone and towels will get you into heaven, but you’re going to feel like a starved college kid when you realize that all you made away with was a crappy old TV and some hangers.
• CON — Friendless: What do you mean you’re going out without me? With who? Who is that?! A boy’s night out?! Yea right, I know how you are!
• AND THE BIGGEST CON OF ALL — “Let’s get married!”
Good for you if you don’t run like hell. OK, so next week I want to do a little somethin’ somethin’ on awesomely bad pick-up lines. If you have ever heard one, or God help your soul, used one, let me know. And just as an FYI, I’m going to try and start publishing some of your reader comments ‘cause man are they getting good. Hit me up anytime —
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XO,
Christine
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 20 March 2007 )
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